Ok, so I dont forget them, here are a couple Ideas I have to make lasagna a little different, first one is taco lasagna, and the second being buffalo chicken lasagna. I really should start carrying paper and pencil with me to write my ideas down.

Well certainly I don't. But before I get into that, let me just say that I seem to have noticed that bars are open really late on NYE. Now back to where I was headed. For NYE I went to the gay bar of Angers, its pretty sweet. So I went alone, and at some point after midnight, some chick comes up and wishes (not sure which verb to use) me a bonne annee and gives me a glass of champagne, so going to a bar alone, especially on NYE and in france can land you a free drink. Then at some point later some guy starts chatting it up with me, and buys me a mojito, so two free drinks in one night, thats a good record for me, while I'm sure you guys can or have done better, that was like 10 euro I didn't have to spend on alcohol. Then later in the night/morning, I get a pink or red wig put on me, and a matching feather boa, then I get invited to a french party, and we get there about 4 am. I get given more drinks this time, cassis champagne, and tequila paf, or something like that. The tequila drink is tequila and schwepps, and then you cover it with your hand and bang it on a surface, not sure how much I drank. But anyway, long story short, I end up going home with the guy that invited me to a party, completely blacked out at this point, and end up in bed naked, and I'll just stop there with that. Now to back track, before I was invited to this party, some old guy invited me to his place, so that I didn't have to walk back to Les Ponts de Ce. Which was nice and all, but I think he really just wanted me in the sack, he said a few times, we go back to my place, have some drinks, listen to music, and it can stop there if you want. I think he was hoping I didn't wanna stop there. And now we jump a head a bit to the party, this one guy's friend keeps asking me what im looking for, so I think he was trying to get me to sleep with his friend, which may have worked, I have no clue, cause at some point I blacked out, and the next thing I know its like 10 am. So yeah, I had an interesting NYE how about the rest of you?

Ok, so last entry false alarm, all's good, but I still kinda like that self convo style of writing a journal, but this is also Topher with lots of caffine and very little sleep. Come on paranoia and hallucinations, other crazyness is welcome as well.

-God I'm such an idot. I just possibly screwed up a potential relationship, but more importantly a friend ship. I need to learn about what things should be said, and when to just keep my mouth shut.

-Will you just relax, you don't even know if he's upset or anything, there are a couple of reasons that he could not be saying anything, the most likely is that he fell asleep, because he did pull an all nighter, and it is after all 4 a.m. back home, so I just suggest before you overreact and get angry at yourself you just don't start any convos with him, let him come to you, and if he does, then you are in the clear, but if after a few days of him being online and he says nothing to you, then I guess you screwed up another potential anything. Way to go asshole!

-Oh, thanks I feel so much better(sarcasm). Even if I didn't upset him, or upset him enough to never wanna talk to me again, I still need to learn about what things I need to just keep to myself, and if I let them loose, when to just stop. And now, because I like to see the positive in every situation, which kinda caused this whole thing, if I ever need to get rid of a guy, I can do fairly easily.

I may have caused the downfall to somebodies last weekend in France.

As you can see by the title, that I have done some thinking, quelle surprise! Its how I waste my time, and kinda what I do when listening to peoples guy "problems". How I long to have problems like that, how I long for my life to be a little less smooth, like my financial crisis was rather refreshing. So now something more along the lines of what I have been thinking. I would really love to have a boyfriend, significant other, whateverthehell you wanna call it. But there is one small problem, I dont think that I am capable of ever feeling that way about anyone, and to be honest I dont feel much, be it joy, sadness, fear. I am somewhat like Dexter, on the show Dexter, or probably more like the walking dead assassin Kai, on the show Lexx, or my least favorite, a machine. I am an emotional void, and maybe thats why I have stupid smiles in photos, cause they are all faked, and my neutral muscle "relaxed" face looks angry. I think of things in a very rational way, and the irration things make no sense, I hate it. I wanna think with my heart, not analyze everything, I wanna go back to how I was years ago. So I think I also pin-pointed the time when I became like this. 10th grade, when both Hunter, and Jeff had girlfriends, I was pretty much left alone, and not really alone cause I had my friend Meredith, Angie, Kat, Deidre, and Katye. But still I was pretty much left alone in our small group, which kinda made me depressed, and the fact that at the time I wanted a girlfriend, and it wasn't happening, I know, I know, I should have been more active finding one, but come on now, lets be reel, this was high school, and I was a nobody loser. So I kinda went through minor depression, with self cure, I just suppress the sadness, and I feel better, which I mean hey, it worked, but maybe too well, cause now years later, for the most part, I don't feel a thing. I suppose to be fare, that was the same year my dad was deployed to somewhere in the middle east, so not only my I want a relationship phase, but also I could be left as the "man" of the house for the next 3 years phase. So long story short high school=emotional mess, and my solution was to get rid of emotions, cause who needs them anyway, emotions are for the weak. Now I am like a cold walking assassin with a brain, and bodily functions, that I must live with. I wanna say my biggest fear, but I don't fear, and thats the worst, being that it is a survival mechanism, even the "new people" of the Dean Kuntz novel midnight, had fear. I feel absolutley nothing, even as a wish, it is not that strong, because that would be an emotion, I feel like its more like it would be nice to have emotions again, but you are doing fine without them, and yeah sure, Im doing fine, but my life is too calculated, I lack the human spontinaity in my life, the surprise that comes with emotions. Well I lost, what I was going to say, so its gonna be left incomplete for now.

So after seeing photos of the super hero themed fashion show, I decided that I want to make a chocolate Iron Man suit, and its gonna be better than the one seen at the show. So my plan is to make an exact, or incredibly close replica of the suit seen in the film, im debating whether or not i wanna paint the chocole, and what i should use as an under layer. Im thinking maybe two layers, the first layer is lycra, the second being chocolate leather, and the third finally, the chocolate armor. I really wanna do the chocolate leather, so that I can eat the armor afterwards.

Starting a war over territory against some of the roommates. I know, how american, but what the hell, I cant help what I was born into. For more details just ask.

So far I only have two, and they are kinda silly, but a fun way to occupy my time.
1) Go home with a guy somenight after the bar. To be completed before December 19
2) Get with Chris, from Canada. Hes so hot. To be completed before June 6, December 19 if I'm feeling lucky or motivated. This seems to be the harder of the tasks.

So tonight I went to a few bars with some of my CIDEF friends, and it was a really interesting time, we started at one bar, Dublins, then went to the more college studenty bars, Falstaff, and Soft, to try to find this guy for one of my friends to make out with, since he is her CIDEF crush. Well that turned out to be a bust, but we took shots of vodka, at falstaff, before returning back to the original bar, there we hung out for a little while, and my friend got hit on by like 3 french men, it was amusing listening to her talk, and be very defensive, about everything, she was afraid of being drugged, with me and another guy sitting there, and we were talking and saying how afraid american women are, and then she tried to push them on to us, but that didnt work, since they are straight. I also have some good news to go with my run on paragraph, a french guy thought i was french, yay me, bad news is he thought that i was from hawaii, when i said i was from iowa, and i literally spelled out iowa for him, and told him it was in the center, so not only is iowa confused with ohio, and idaho, but also hawaii, by one drunk french.